Sure, I am listening to Kenny Loggins, but I cannot deny turning to this song when I am feeling nostalgic or just kind of sad. I know everyone disappoints but days like today, when I feel warm with Cuban food but afraid to slam the door, when I want to crawl into my room as a whisper, unheard, bring me back to those days (not of Christopher Robin, per se, but Polly Pockets and birthday cakes broken above city sewers, my celebration cakes in shards). I guess I should learn (from myself, as well) that we all disappoint, slip up, slip back, recovery is raw and unreal, always tippable. But now I need to be writing my Truman report and I am sitting here, staring at the tear-shaped map of Orient and my barbie-pink nails, feeling so small. I don't want to write, render the past year in pen. I want to tuck myself into bed with my book and my cat.
The song, now that I think about it and place it in the computer, that really brings me back is Disarm. My sister gave it to me my 5th grade Christmas and I loved this song as I had never before loved a lyric and its melody, those Siamese twins themselves. The Album was called Siamese Twins and there was a floating baby on its cover, soft and smiley.
I shouldn't be complaining but this is my rawest point: a point that reminds me of sledding escapes, so much snow, but mostly broken cakes and broken paint. I wish my sister was here or that I could call Julie, but it is much too late.
Mostly I am lucky, I know, and I cannot wait for my Harry Potter school, and seeing my sister's belly before birth, breathing, full with life.
